What you should know about your friends

“You can tell them bad news, and they’ll listen without downplaying your problem. You can tell them good news and they’ll help you celebrate. They’ll try to be happy for you, and that’s enough. You tell them the good news and they don’t instantly make it about themselves by talking about what happened to them 3 years ago or worse, about what happened 3 years ago to somebody else they knew.”

That’s what the clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson had to say about real friends.

“You want to surround yourself with people who want the best for the best part of you”. That is to say, they’ll help you better appreciate what you already appreciate about yourself.

I think there are just two types of friends. One is a cushion friend (this is not synonymous with a fake friend). Here are the things you do with these kinds of friends:

You laugh a lot, you have shared interests so there’s always something to talk about, loneliness will stay at bay as long as you keep in touch (that’s low-key why you’re friends), and you know how to have fun together, to sum it up –you enjoy each other's company.

The second one is the complete type, these kinds of friends are your comrades, your ride-or-dies, in other words, they’re your Joeys and Monicas- you know they’ll be there for you ;)

Complete friends can do whatever whenever, but here’s a brief menu of what these relationships offer:

You can talk about the not-so-glamorous parts about yourself without waking up the next day buried in shame and guilt because you’ve overshared, they don’t see your vulnerability as an opportunity to score a favor, Not necessarily every secret but you usually tell them what you will never tell another soul, they try to understand your past and believe in your future so they generally give you the best advice. Sure, they might stick their heads inside your turkey from time to time, but you’ll get over those.

What do you do if all your friendships are just cushion? Easy, you cut them out of your life, block them on all social media, and find real friends.

Kidding.

A friendship develops from cushion to complete as a romantic relationship evolves from casual to serious, you just have to communicate. It can feel awkward and unnecessary to talk about your friendship seriously because you’re used to being silly with each other, but it’s worth it. I think most of the time though, it is time that binds us, experiences that tie us together and without even saying a word, you’ll know that however many variables change around you, they’re a constant.

But you may really need to block and cut out some friends, you’re better off without them for many reasons but mainly it’s because they’re not loyal. They’re not honest with you, and they’ll tolerate it when you’re being dishonest. Real friends don’t feed you BS, but more importantly, they won’t suffer your BS. By putting up with your lies (because there is no good and bad, only real and false) they’re basically giving consent and allowing it. They don’t pay attention to what’s going on with you, and they take more than they give. But you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you how loyal friends should be like because you already know who your true friends are and who never were your friends to begin with.

But remember friends are not responsible for you. He/she is a good friend if they are responsible for themselves and an even better one if they expect you to be your own man/woman. Friends help you up when you’re down and they should push you when you’re stuck but never expect them to carry you (excuse the corniness, too much self-help stuff will do this to you). It’s easy to forget this sometimes but, you are friends not because you have the same objectives in life, it’s not even because you have the same mindset, it’s because you can have fun together. So when you expect too much from your friends you are stretching the contract too much, and that’s bound to snap at some point.

The truth is you are alone in this world, you came alone, remember? No? but you imagine they pulled you out, then immediately after, they pinched you a little bit so you’d cry, as though to give to you an idea of what the world is all about. But I digress. The only one who can truly care for you is you, not God, not your mom, and not your friend. All you have is your present and future selves, so make sure the 2020-you looks out for the 2021-you.

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.”
— Muhammad Ali

To laugh, to give, and to grow, that’s all there is to life, I learned that from my friends.